Maximum Engagement

Max proposed to his girlfriend about getting married and last sunday they held their engagement party, max’s girlfriend sarah called me up that I should attend their affair at nine last sunday, I asked her what time would dinner follow and she said maybe after an hour or so, around ten I suppose but then it sounded quite late already so I decided to eat a little bit before going there.

I’m quite infamous for coming to weddings late, this was just an engagement party but I was already on my way to max’s fiancée’s place even before nine in the evening, for some reason I wanted to be there early. Then I called max up and I told him I was arriving on time but hell he took me by surprise when he said his goddam engagement was already over at nine that morning. I thought he was just trying to pull a good one on me but I realized it must indeed be over because from the way I knew max for 16 years, he always sleeps at nine in the evening and he couldn’t probably stand an engagement party that would start at his bedtime hour.

I decided to drop by ariel’s internet café and he was there busy playing video games himself that sunday night, so I took charge of the counter and used their telephone to call up sarah and apologize for missing their engagement, when sarah was on the line talking she sounded quite pissed off that I missed it and because I was max’s only friend who was supposed to be there, I swear I thought it was at nine in the evening because I mentioned dinner to her and she didn’t gainsaid anything, but sarah didn’t believe me, she said I knew it was at nine in the morning but I was just trying to act that I thought it was nine in the evening so that I could just go out and use it as a reason to get beers later on. Well there was this very pretty girl who was logging out from the café and I was rather busy staring at her than listening to sarah, and since I wasn’t going out to any engagement anymore I was indeed having thoughts of getting a beer or two anyway but i never planned it on purpose, I was thinking of asking sarah if she wanted to join but it might just piss her off more.

The next day I drove my parents to the airport and my old man was asking about how traditional max’s engagement was last night, he asked about the dowries and jewelries I saw and I had to fake it out that sure there was a hell lot of them in the engagement, then my old man had to continue asking what food did I bring home because he said in traditional engagement parties the groom always hands out food giveaways, at that moment I didn’t have much time to call up max and ask him what in hell was he giving away yesterday and much less even grab my mobile phone to call him up because I was driving, my old man continued that they usually hand out bean roll cakes and I just took that goddam chance and yelled

Oh those bean cakes, I didn’t take some because they didn’t look so good

My old man stopped asking thereon and I saved my throat on the way back home. A couple of days later max called again and this time he said he wanted me to be part of his wedding entourage this july, he said he’s only asking two friends to be in his entourage, me and this girl who was the president of our high school student council, he said I was to be the candle-man and he'd better be sure I wont be doing much in front of the crowd in his wedding except light one little candle. He said he’d help me out in getting something to wear on his big day and save july the 26th for him, and lastly he told me just not to be late.

L is for Lib

Use the first letter of your name to answer the questions, cannot use your own name as an answer, nothing made up.

famous singer:
Lou rawls
Liam gallagher

four letter word:
Lost
Life

street:
Ledesma (perpendicular to our street)

color:
Light grey (the color of somebody who gets cremated)

gifts, present:
Liquor

vehicle:
L300 (what I’m good at driving)

things in a souvenir shop:
Liquor

boy’s name:
Luke skywalker

girl’s name:
Leia organa

movie title:
Letters from iwo jima
Leaving las vegas
Laurence of arabia
LA confidential

drink:
Liquor

occupation:
Lawyer

celebrity:
Laurence olivier
Leslie nielsen
Lisa simpson

magazine:
Loaded

sports:
Lawn tennis

fruit:
Liquorice

reasons for being late to work:
Last night's liquor
Lethargic
Larm clock did not go off
Loose bowel movement
Long line at mcdonalds
Looked at headlines at newstand
Longganisa took so long to cook
Left mobile phone at home while midway on the road
Late, just simply late

something you throw away:
Love

something you shout:
Lapulos (good for nothing)

Fool's License

I was on my way to pick up my parents at the airport last monday and when I was about to take the car on the road, I plugged in this song star guitar by the chemical brothers and the heavy music made me drive like mad, you should try listening to it when you’re miserable, you’d feel like you’re going to explode in anger. I am not feeling myself for the past few months and I felt I didn’t care if I crashed into anything, like I was driving on a collision course.

I did calm down when I got to the airport in one piece though, it was high noon when I got there and it was so hot that I could feel the heat coming from down the airport parking lot floor already, the goddam heat was almost killing me. I’d feel better once in a while when some breeze would blow up to me against the heat while being in that big countryside of the airport, and it made me drive slower on the way back home too, else my mother would have fainted dead if she was at the back riding while me driving on the road home like it were a race track. I also remembered that my driver’s license had expired for more than three months already, and the cops will probably say that it was my fault driving on an expired license if I crashed with something on the road, if I came out of it alive though.

The next day I decided to get my driver’s license renewed, there was this new place where you could get it done that was only a couple of blocks away from home, my brother told me to go there at an hour past noon because there’s not much people there yet, they’re probably still having lunch. Anyway I didn’t have much trouble going through the process of getting a new license, except for that part again where they were taking your urine samples to check if you doped. I got to their small laboratory and the lab rat handed me my canister where I should put some of my urine into, I left the door open to the lavatory because I knew before that the lab rats there wanted to see you fill the canister with the jet stream from your bladder and that it wasn’t coming out of your ears or nose or someplace else. But it was harder to get myself to take a leak with the door open because I knew the lab rat from behind me was watching and I could not concentrate, I knew he was watching because I was trying to figure out where to pose the canister on the floor so I could fill it up easily when then the lab rat said that I should just hold the canister up close with my other hand, he was probably worried that I would make a mess that way filling it up at a distance on the floor like I were showering a lawn. It wasn’t as easy like last month when I had my blood samples taken when all I had to do was sit.

After that whole trouble I was sent to some in-house doctor to check on me, I didn’t know what he was supposed to check on me because he didn’t check anything at all. He asked for my blood pressure, I told him it was normal and he just bought it, and I didn’t I know if it was really normal, although I knew my liver was but you don’t expect my liver to be stepping on the gas or brakes when I’m driving anyway. He was the kind of doctor who wants to get his work done right away, like there’s a big headband in his head saying lets get the hell over with this. Though I did try checking my weight for real on the scales because I hadn’t been myself lately, I lost eight pounds.

I did get my driver’s license that afternoon, I was looking at my picture because I could see that patch of grey hair growing at my forehead, and below my picture was the date it was released and I just realized it was the first day of april and I’ve got the date of april fool’s right below on my license.