The 10th Crusade

Benny number 16 didn’t get to be the pope of the roman catholic church for nothing, and he didn’t become pope to be ignorant about what he is talking about, and a couple of days ago he used a quote in his speech that went on like this:

"Show me just what muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

That wouldn't sound too good to you if you're a muslim. Benny should note the guy of the byzantine empire whom he quoted in his speech gave this remark at the height of the crusades centuries ago. Everybody knows the crusades are over, unless benny wants to start the tenth crusade himself.

And in case benny hasn’t noticed in my country, Islam found its way here peacefully through southern trade routes by muslim merchants. Christianity on the other hand found its way to this country through sword, spear, arrows, gunboats, force and blood by the spaniards. Though ironically some of those southern cities in our country are now battlegrounds between the national army and radical muslim rebels, but to distinguish these rebels down south through their religious affiliation as the factor of their extremism will only make you sound more like benny, as if islam had anything to do with the violence.

Incidentally too, I was hoping to buy a book about the inquisition periods a couple of days ago, but I was broke and my credit card also broke into two pieces (probably because of an empty wallet) since I gave most of my dough to peter over lunch to support some classmate who’s terminal because of cancer. I ended up chance reading the book a couple of times inside the bookstore, and I swear benny could have found a lot of good quotes in the inquistion and in their own backyard if he were to give a speech about theology and reason than go poke at other religions.

Sting Steve

Why do sting rays have barbed stings in their tails?

• As a defensive measure against predators who have stingrays on their menu
• To warn foolhardy naturalists who given the chance will grapple, strangle, wrestle or kiss them in front of the camera

But the late steve irwin never got the hint.

Here’s how steve irwin looks like. This is just for the record, a year from now, steve irwin wouldn’t ring a bell to me but this pic will, he was that guy who hosted animal documentaries and who would grapple, strangle, wrestle and kiss dangerous animals in front of the camera, more often to his favorite reptile the crocodile. You’d also remember him as the idiot who taunted a hungry crocodile with a carcass and his baby boy. That was his style why he became so popular in cable TV, half the entertainment of watching his animal documentaries is the thrill of him getting so close and irritate dangerous animals.

“Whenever steve irwin would film sharks, they would put him inside a steel cage underwater so that they can keep the sharks safe”

Though it hadn’t aired yet, his final episode was done in the oceans with a sting ray whom he swam too close with and scared the animal, it probably knew what steve does for a living and it knew that steve was coming for him that it had to strike its sting to steve’s heart to escape.

“Steve irwin died the way he lived, with animals firmly in his heart”

Imagine if you die and then you found out that Hinduism was the real religion all along and you’d get reincarnated in some crocodile in the afterlife because Vishnu found your laziness resembling a cold blooded reptile, and here comes steve irwin who would grapple, strangle, wrestle and kiss you in front of the camera, sure you now look like a reptile, but I don’t want to be that reptile. Bless the Upanishads should steve irwin be reincarnated as a circus crocodile.

"Steve irwin loves to drink GATORade"

Everything Leaks

For the past three mornings I’ve been roused out from bed because of these army helicopters flying low above our house at exactly nine. They're not after me yet though, I don’t remember doing anything stupid for the army to keep an eye on my house every morning, except maybe because one reader found my blog being too condescending to our national language a couple of weeks ago.

Here's the fuss about these helicopters, you see our city is a natural harbor, we always get a lot of ships passing by this straight right outside our coastline, and there’s this small island guimaras that sits in the middle of the straight. The island's very much undeveloped, full of trees and wildlife and most parts of its shoreline are marine sanctuaries, well except for those facing our city since they catch most of the trash, jetsam and driftwood floating from this side of the island. Anyway a couple of days ago, some passing oil tanker sunk right on the other side of guimaras, right at the doorsteps of those marine sanctuaries, and that oil tanker had grease loaded on board by the tons which it generously shared with everything underwater when it sunk, and those helicopters passing by our house are probably hovering around the straight carrying some high ranking hot shot who wanted to see the oil spill sky high in the morning.

Its not a pretty picture in the news and papers, its like spilling india ink to a beach painting.

The closest I got to this place of the oil spill was six years ago during my last days at the state university. My professor took us to one of the marine reserve run by our school, our teacher rex is a doctor of microbiology, he loved the place because its full of mangrove trees and he took us deep into these mangroves and lecture us about these little fishes, shrimps, squids and tiny micro organisms off his PhD dictionary that live under those mangroves. None of us were paying attention to him anyway, the water was already up to my chest and some other shorter classmate had to hold on to any mangrove branch or somebody else taller and some wisecrack also had to yell “snake” every once in a while and everybody would scamper back to shore while rex would yell “cowards!”. With the oil spill all over the place, I’ll bet rex is kissing all his micro friends at the mangroves goodbye.

It was in this marine sanctuary where I saw my first moray eel, not underwater but happily preserved inside a mayonnaise jar, and what a lucky eel it was having its dead hide in good shape rather than its other cousins still in the waters who are probably tinted and choking in grease by now. But it wasn’t the diversity of marine life that amused me in this reserve but the diversity of entomology and winged bugs that buzzed around me unto the night at base camp.

Grease wasn’t the only thing that leaked from a sunken oil tanker in this country, answers to a board exam also spilled to its exam takers in the open, and that was the examination for the nursing profession, the most sought after job in this country by each and every one because it is one sure ticket to run away from this country and work someplace else.

You know what I think? Answers to any board examinations in this country leaks all the time, everything leaks, its just a matter of getting caught.