Fool's License

I was on my way to pick up my parents at the airport last monday and when I was about to take the car on the road, I plugged in this song star guitar by the chemical brothers and the heavy music made me drive like mad, you should try listening to it when you’re miserable, you’d feel like you’re going to explode in anger. I am not feeling myself for the past few months and I felt I didn’t care if I crashed into anything, like I was driving on a collision course.

I did calm down when I got to the airport in one piece though, it was high noon when I got there and it was so hot that I could feel the heat coming from down the airport parking lot floor already, the goddam heat was almost killing me. I’d feel better once in a while when some breeze would blow up to me against the heat while being in that big countryside of the airport, and it made me drive slower on the way back home too, else my mother would have fainted dead if she was at the back riding while me driving on the road home like it were a race track. I also remembered that my driver’s license had expired for more than three months already, and the cops will probably say that it was my fault driving on an expired license if I crashed with something on the road, if I came out of it alive though.

The next day I decided to get my driver’s license renewed, there was this new place where you could get it done that was only a couple of blocks away from home, my brother told me to go there at an hour past noon because there’s not much people there yet, they’re probably still having lunch. Anyway I didn’t have much trouble going through the process of getting a new license, except for that part again where they were taking your urine samples to check if you doped. I got to their small laboratory and the lab rat handed me my canister where I should put some of my urine into, I left the door open to the lavatory because I knew before that the lab rats there wanted to see you fill the canister with the jet stream from your bladder and that it wasn’t coming out of your ears or nose or someplace else. But it was harder to get myself to take a leak with the door open because I knew the lab rat from behind me was watching and I could not concentrate, I knew he was watching because I was trying to figure out where to pose the canister on the floor so I could fill it up easily when then the lab rat said that I should just hold the canister up close with my other hand, he was probably worried that I would make a mess that way filling it up at a distance on the floor like I were showering a lawn. It wasn’t as easy like last month when I had my blood samples taken when all I had to do was sit.

After that whole trouble I was sent to some in-house doctor to check on me, I didn’t know what he was supposed to check on me because he didn’t check anything at all. He asked for my blood pressure, I told him it was normal and he just bought it, and I didn’t I know if it was really normal, although I knew my liver was but you don’t expect my liver to be stepping on the gas or brakes when I’m driving anyway. He was the kind of doctor who wants to get his work done right away, like there’s a big headband in his head saying lets get the hell over with this. Though I did try checking my weight for real on the scales because I hadn’t been myself lately, I lost eight pounds.

I did get my driver’s license that afternoon, I was looking at my picture because I could see that patch of grey hair growing at my forehead, and below my picture was the date it was released and I just realized it was the first day of april and I’ve got the date of april fool’s right below on my license.