Got Milk?

For the past few days the local news at night wouldn’t be complete without them anchormen showing footage of grocery stores being hoarded for milk by cops with a lot of guns, and it almost seemed like milk has become as illegal as dope. Because just recently they found out that milk from china has some sort of secret ingredient they call melamine, I flunk in chemistry and I don’t know what the hell a melamine is but at the rate of their milky panic, melamine must taste like cyannide.

A lot of kids in china got sick with their milk, and the rest of the world are pulling out these milks from their store shelves before it gets their kids sick too. Nobody from my country has died over these milks yet but the government people and cops are overdoing the recall so much that you’d wish they could just figure out the math that more people die from rabies and they rather go catch themselves some stray dogs on the street instead. I’m sort of a lactose intolerant, which is I give out gas if I drink a lot of milk so I drink soymilk instead, but hell they even took out the china soymilk at the grocery stores probably because it has the words milk and china on the box. The people here just want to be part of the great milk recall.

These sick kids in china will probably blame their chinaman action hero jackie chan from drinking milk because he used to appear with the ‘got milk?” advertisements in magazines, he’s not advertising any milk brands but milk itself and there he looks like he drank a gallon of milk with stains still running up to his nostrils without even time to wipe it before jumping out of a helicopter, melamine probably gets you all hyperactive. What a phony, he got famous in his old hong kong movies where he drinks a lot of liquor and fights great when drunk, now he tells us to drink milk.