Longest Tupig

My cousin took this photograph of me nine years ago. He lost his center of focus that he missed the letter G in the header behind me which was supposed to read guinness. I think he just wanted to include ye olde union jack on my right in the photograph. This is the guinness museum of world records, and this photograph was taken nearly a decade ago, which means I dont have a clear recollection of what I saw inside the museum.

I did remember I seeing inside the museum wax figures of freaks on world record, the tallest man, shortest man, biggest mouth, longest nose and other freaks with extreme attributes. One freak caught my fancy, it was this japanese guy who lived for a whooping hundred twenty years. It wasnt his longetivity that amazed me, I've heard stories of other rip van winkles who had long walks with father time, but it was this small panel behind his wax figure exhibit. It was a collection of events in history that this poor guy saw in his lifetime: world war 1, world war 2, the atomic bomb, the vietnam war, the korean war, the shanghai massacre, man on the moon, the cold war nuclear arms race... It must be sick to see all of these in one lifetime, but hey it could have been the key to his long life.

My cousin on the other hand can recall none of the museum's archive on display, except for this scottish guy on kilts playing his bagpipe outside the museum, he wasnt made up of wax though. That guy was probably there for entertainment and not for breaking any records or eardrums yet. My cousin was so fascinated with the sound of that bagpipe that time because he hadn't recovered from this scottish fever he caught after watching Gibson's Braveheart. And probably explains the union jack in my picture.

Anyway, it was an article in the local newspaper today that rang a bell in my head to recall about this guinness museum. That article is about an attempt of some of my countrymen up north to put their town as a guiness record breaker too, they are attempting to make the longest tupig in the world.

By the way, what the hell is a tupig?

• Three pigs less one
• Tupac rip off
• Too Big said in a chinese accent

Beats me. Tupig is some local rice cake indigenous to bakeries up north of our country. I bet you didnt figure that one out.

This tupig in bizarre proportions was prepared weeks after another local pastry down south took more headlines by storm. It seemed as if this longest tupig was a promotional campaign against that other rival pastry rather than a shot to be in the guinness world records. This other pastry was the cassava cake, and it wasnt baked as exagerating as this tupig but one lady accidentally baked her cassava cake with toxins, and she single-handedly wiped out a lot of school kids with her fatal pastry in just a morning of vending. And I hope they dont put the cassava cake lady on world record too.