Don't Look Back in Anger

My sister was cleaning her closet when she showed me a compartment still filled with dust and my junks when I still used the goddam space almost 20 years ago. Just when I said weeks ago how I want to keep my journals and blog long after I'm dead to make me artificially alive to people who will get to read them afterwards, I eventually found in that closet the lost journals I've kept 10 years before I even started this blog, hell I didn't even know this crap existed. It could extend my published life retrospectively back for another 10 years but these were the goddam stories during my worst days of growing up, I couldn't even turn any of the pages to see the horror of those days long gone, it could drive me mad the same way ebenezer scrooge did after what the ghost of christmas past fed him with all those crap from his youth. Even the bible scrapped the adolescent days of jesus in the gospels because having superpowers during his teenage drama days wouldn't be so much of a story of inspiration.

And looking at the notebooks being lined that way, I'm pretty sure there are some others missing, but what the hell I can't even make myself to read just a page or open one the least, I have to be happy anyway that I couldn't find the rest. Even I myself didn't see these worst of days coming that I had to boldly label my the first notebook with words up front like 'oliver's journal 1994' what the hell was I thinking back then? My journals then came in all sorts of notebooks depending on what my money could buy then, or idle notebooks from my school subjects which were all too boring to keep notes from,  the testimonies that my adolescent years were stuck with pen and paper in isolation while the rest of the people my age were out were going to parties and trying to be as phony as hell. But one thing was different, I didn't probably wrote as cynical and depressed as I am now, it was probably a time when I still sounded hopeful and like a goddam dreamer, before I slowly realized how miserable life is. Everything is still crap anyway.