Liver Confessional

I knew my liver is a wreck, if you knew at the rate that I am taking in alcohol you could tell that my liver must have taken quite a beating that it is garbage even from the outside. I do worry about my liver sometimes but what made me do something about it was because last sunday afternoon something came up that my thoughts were so depressed that I wasn’t in the mood to do anything at all, i was in a mess and I wanted to drink hard very badly, so I just went over to ariel’s net cafe and had rounds of beer. It was kind of creepy because when I was sitting there drinking, some blue love bird flew to my hand and I caught it, the other guy at the table said something like let the bird go like its supposed to be a sign or something. I did anyway, the goddam thing is sure to drop some shit into my palm if I held on to it any longer. Anyway I drank hard up to midnight that ariel began to notice my depression, he closed his net café and we headed out for more beers and I even lost count of how many I drank but ariel paid for it. I got home with ariel walking me to my front door worrying why I drank like a madman, my close friends can always notice it.

I got back to work the next day with me only being late for about thirty minutes, but the sick thing there was that I hadn’t eaten anything for a day already. I was thinking about the way I drank last night that I finally decided to go get my liver checked that day, a lot of people had told me to do it years ago but I was sort of reluctant about it. Now it was a very good time to get blood samples from me because I hadn’t eaten anything except beers and coffee, and I was so depressed too that I felt I could take in any bad news about my liver or even if they told me I’m going to die or something.

I have this old friend in manila charlene who’s a doctor right now, I find her really pretty way back high school because she looked a lot like this actress mikee conjuanco that has a killer smile, Anyway she once sent me some medical phrases a year ago which were supposed to be what I needed to check from my blood about my liver. I got to some hospital about a couple blocks from home and lined up for the laboratory to have some of my blood taken, I saw that there was some lady ahead of me whom they were also taking blood samples, they took around two drops of blood from her but hell when it was my turn the blood taking nurse instead pulled out one goddam syringe about the size of a candle for me. She had it stuck in my vein on the hinge of my elbow and pulled out a lot of blood and it even started to feel numb there. I should have also asked to check for my blood alcohol but I don't think I don't have too much blood alcohol yet, else I would have gone up in fire everytime I smoked.

I took the results a couple of hours later and sent them to charlene and though I said I was ready for anything bad, some part of me was scared about it like if I’m going to die so painfully slow, and while I sat and waited for my results, the laboratory was now full of people sitting that I had to sit in some other seat that was facing everybody, and I could see all their face looking at me and like they’re saying prayers for my results. But what the funny thing there was that doc charlene told me that my liver is pretty much ok and its very normal, charlene is the top student of her medicine class in UST but I had to ask her all over again if she’s sure because I really thought my goddam liver was already garbage.

Fota ka, kala ko may cancer ka
-edward

Lol 2loy ang inuman!
-imer

I was sort of happy about it too for a short time, I figured it out that in my goddam depression right now, I am just happy that I know I can still go on drinking alcohol to make me feel better.

I bought a whole bottle of hard liquor for last night over at some grocery to feed off my depression again, I bumped into a high school classmate there who was also a doctor and I took the chance and pulled out my lab results and gave it to doc elbert and asked him how was my liver doing, he said it was pretty alright too and he laughed if that’s why I’m carrying some liquor right now. Then he hugged his wife and told me that they’re going to have their baby this july and they were both so happy about it, doc elbert then asked me if I alreay had someone and in my depression I just told him that I can manage through life being alone, he laughed maybe because he thought I wasn’t so serious about what I said but what the hell. I walked back home and I didn’t notice that doc elbert followed me from behind from his car and he passed by and honked and they yelled something like take care which I didn’t hear, I waved back anyway.

I drank at my desk again last night when I was surprised that charlene sent me a message to my mobile phone telling me to go easy on the alcohol, and she said something for my liver like its not going to be as healthy someday.